Teenage angst continues to pay off well

“I am fucking brilliant every night I go out there.”

"Wouldn't It Be Nice" No Music, Just Vocals

I can't remember if this has been posted before or not.

"God Only Knows" is even creepier.

Creed

The Funniest thing I've seen in a long time. This is a whole series of "spoofs," I guess you'd call them. I've seen a few...this one...just, the vocals take mockery to new heights.

Top Ten Rejected Songs From Bob Dylan's Forthcoming Christmas Album

Rolling Stone has learned that Bob Dylan will release a Christmas album October 13th. Entitled Christmas in the Heart, the collection will feature holiday standards including “Must Be Santa,” “Little Drummer Boy,” “Winter Wonderland” and “Here Comes Santa Claus.” All U.S. royalties from the collection will benefit the charity Feeding America, the nation’s leading domestic hunger-relief charity.

10. Ballad of a Jolly Man
9. Lay Lady Lay (Your Presents Under the Tree)
8. Let Me Die With My Stockings Hung
7. Stuck Inside of Macy's
6. All The Tired Reindeer
5. Visions of Santa / Ho Ho Ho Sister (tie)
4. These Pants I am Exchangin'
3. Tangled Up In Tinsel
2. Just Like a Snowman
1. North Pole Skyline

Before I Kick the Bucket List: Vegas Vacation

"Las Vegas looks the way you'd imagine heaven must look at night." -Chuck Palahniuk

This is a common to-do for most Americans but I have yet to go and I probably should.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for bright lights and free booze.

The dilemma is I am not sure which angle to approach Sin City: take my family, take a suitcase of drugs, take my autistic brother...

Best Facebook Status Update Ever

Richmond, Virginia - 1865

When I saw this photograph this morning, I immediately thought of Cary Street. Also, while spell-checking I learned "on Carey street" is a British euphemism for bankruptcy.

Hakuna Matata!

Shut up, dining room table

Are you strapping your six-shooter to your thigh and drawing Hitler mustaches all over your Shepard Fairey prints while getting ready to head out to your local congressperson's town hall meeting? Before you go, make sure to check out this informative slide-show before you end up being called a dining room table.

Healthcare Napkins All

View more documents from Dan Roam.

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Brought to you proudly by JSegertimeradio. Thanks, Jay! 'Dem blue crabs look delicious!

Before I Kick The Bucket List: Concubine Masturbator

"Partake of some of life's sweet pleasures. And yes, get comfortable with yourself."
Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine

The TSX Concubine Masturbator is boobs, a vag and a little bit of weiner all in one handy, vibrating package. It uses 2 AA batteries and looks like it could live in the seedy section of Sesame Street.

They say that variety is the spice of life, right?

Blogylan: Sweat Pants Tucked into Rain Boots

This story is ridiculous.

"He was acting very suspicious,'' Buble said. "Not delusional, just suspicious. You know, it was pouring rain and everything."

"He was really nice, though, and he said he understood why I had to verify his identity and why I couldn't let him go," Buble said. "He asked me if I could drive him back to the neighborhood when I verified who he was, which made me even more suspicious.

"I pulled into the parking lot," she said, "and sure enough there were these enormous tour buses, and I thought, 'Whoa.'"

The Armpit Collection XXIV: Millenia

Found what I lost inside
My spirit has been purified

I might be wrong
I might be wrong
I could have sworn
I saw a light coming on

I thought I was smart
I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight
I thought there was a virtue, in always being cool

Let people talk until they don't
Let's me and you keep on

It was all just a dream, Oh no
I wish it was real
All my pets they were there and they smiled
Take a shit - it was fine

All the players in the band
They can always find
Always find some number that we know

Oasis - Familiar To Millions+
Radiohead - Kid A/Amnesiac
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots^
Holly Golightly - Slowly But Surely--
The Strokes - Mixed Bag*
The Walkmen - You & Me

+ "it was not a very happy time."
^Appearance numero dos
-- Appearance numero dos
*Yes, Mixed Bag.

Before I Kick the Bucket List: Watch Shaq Play

Ever since I was around 7, I have been an avid Shaquille O'Neal fan. I spent a lot of time in my back yard playing on an imaginary hoop and dreaming of becoming a dominant seven foot center in the NBA.

I didn't even make the freshman basketball team but my admiration for Shaq continued and I always joked that I modeled my game after him.

Part of my admiration, I think, has to do with sympathy. Although it is beneficial on the basketball court, his body size must be awkward as shit in real life. Also, I squirm every time I see him shoot a free throw. It's like watching an extremely focused drunk dude playing beer pong. There is something definitely palpable watching him on the line: All eyes are on him, he knows he's bad, he knows we know he's bad, we know he knows we know he's bad, etc. He has always struggled with it and it must humble him.

I have heard him say once that he tries not to take himself too seriously. I try.

Another Reason to be Ashamed

'Death to Obama' sign holder in Md. detained

Thu Aug 13, 11:56 am ET

HAGERSTOWN, Md. – The Secret Service is investigating a man who authorities said held a sign reading "Death to Obama" outside a town hall meeting on health care reform in western Maryland.

Barbara Golden, the special agent in charge of the agency's Baltimore field office, says an investigation is ongoing but declined further comment.

Washington County Sheriff's Capt. Peter Lazich (LAWZ'-itch) says the sign also read, "Death to Michelle and her two stupid kids."

He says the sheriff's office turned the unidentified, 51-year-old man over to Secret Service agents Wednesday after deputies detained him near the entrance to Hagerstown Community College.

Maryland Democratic Sen. Ben Cardin was hosting the meeting, but President Barack Obama was not there.

(source)

Before I Kick the Bucket List: Graceland

Going to Graceland would be the closest I get to any kind of pilgrimage.

I love the King maybe more than my grandma and in due time I must take my dutiful trip to Memphis to honor the ghost of music's past.

If it is anything like my visit to the John Lennon's Imagine mosaic in Central Park, the Presley mansion will garner a spiritual experience or feeling.

Or maybe I really just want to see that jungle room I have heard about.

The Armpit Collection XXIII: Dylan Addendum Part One

John Wesley Harding
Desire
Street Legal

Bob Dylan is a modern American musical enigma. His catalog is extensive and serves as the control in understanding most other pop and rock music's relativity. His first appearance in The Armpit Collection was a well-rounded trio outlining some of his contribution to modern popular music - the rock n roll, the singer songwriter, the old weird America.

Some of us have scoured his output extensively. There's a post rock n roll element to some of Dylan's music that I find intriguing. It's the long chord progressions that repeat, and repeat, and repeat for sometimes 5, 8, 10 minutes; lyrical ideas less detached and more romantic, yet utterly bizarre at times. The three albums featured here each contain songs I could not live without, "I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine," "Black Diamond Bay," or "Where Are You Tonight?", and songs I'll never forget, "As I Went Out One Morning," "Romance In Durango," and "Baby, Please Stop Cryin'".

Ignorance is Bliss

Has anyone seen Zeitgeist, the Movie/Zeitgeist: Addendum?

Before I Kick the Bucket List: Hop a Train

"The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it." -G. K. Chesterton

I long to ride the rural rails for the sake of sheer American novelty. Take me west...

Q & A with Julian Casablancas, Aug 2009

Before I Kick the Bucket: Cruise

"Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat." -Jean-Paul Sartre

For many reasons and despite the commercialism, I have long desired to board a cruise ship and travel the ocean. Any destination would suffice so long as we pit stop so I can purchase some of that islander herb I always hear about.

Much like floating around in a hot air balloon, I imagine cruise ships would offer a rush of freedom; especially when one is surrounded by pure blueness.

Defying nature by swimming in a pool on a vessel moving through leagues of salt water 1000 fathoms deep is a phenomenal human accomplishment and something I want to be apart of.

I'll be the guy in the white guayabera shirt with dark shades drinking a daiquiri.

Before I Kick the Bucket List: Hot Air Balloon Ride

"The balloon seems to stand still in the air while the earth flies past underneath." -Alberto Santos Dumont

(Inspired by JSeger)

There are many things that I as a mortal would like to experience before the end. I'm not talking about trying things like sushi, fucking a dude, or writing a blog. I am talking about picking up my mat and venturing out in the world.

A friend of mine recently proposed to his lover in a hot air balloon in Tennessee. That charming bastard! She said no but the romantic offerings of sky balloons are sexy and ripe nevertheless.

The separated feeling of floating around in a basket and the accompanying view all around must be thrilling and I hope the opportunity comes soon for me.

(One of the funniest and one of my favorite movie scenes is in The Life Aquatic when Bill Murray and Cate Blanchett's characters are sitting in a hot air balloon attached to their ship. At one point Bill lights his cigarette with the balloon burner.)

Oh Bill, Stop It...No Really, Stop It

Comin' home in class.

J Seger: "With His Hat On" press review!

JSeger : With His Hat On :: Review
July 21, 2009 by greg (ventvox.com)

The album “With His Hat On” by JSeger was sent to me in butcher’s paper and a duck’s feather. A bit unusual but cool nonetheless as most promos usually don’t arrive in that sort of condition. After opening the promo and inspecting its content, I had to make sure it wasn’t some sort of hate mail; I gingerly placed the cd on the player and took in the sounds of Jason Michael Seger or JSeger for brevity’s sake.

The press information stated that JSeger took cues from the musical artists of the 60’s when he was writing these tunes and that’s definitely apparent as on first listen you can hear traces of The Stones, Dylan and a whiff of The Kinks within the first three tracks. JSeger’s vocals are rustic and clearly nostalgic for a simpler way of doing things incorporating some country-folk into these pseudo psychedelic renderings. Opener “God Only Knows Me” could have been an outtake on The Kinks “Muswell Hillbillies” album with its chiming bells and sassy delivery. “Ragin’ Glory” follows Dylan down the rabbit hole as things become unglued during the outtro similar to “Rainy Day Women.”

However, the catchy wit and cuteness becomes a little overbearing on “To Blog About.” Although it may be the first song dedicated to blogging, it just seems a little much. JSeger’s talent lay in the lilting waltzes and duets, not so much the comedic side of things. Things pick up again in “Spirits on Ice” and the yearning for the past vibe of “You’ll Catch Me Cryin’.”

(source)

A Phil Hartman Joint

A friend recently bought me America's Greatest Hits on vinyl at a local thrift store. I noticed it was produced by George Martin and I was interested in finding out more about the band. As I was researching, I discovered that my new album was designed by SNL's Phil Hartman. It turns out that Phil was a graphic arts major at California State University.

It was also during this period that he helped Paul Reubens develop his Pee-wee Herman character.

Above are some of the albums I found that Phil designed in the 70's, including the logo for Crosby, Stills, & Nash.

I'm Famous Part 3

Per Your Request:

Hooray! We made the front page of the Herald Mail on Monday. If you live around here, you may have partially noticed the write up of us behind the Dr. Bruce Weneck Pediatrics advertisement sticker.

After continual harassment from the press while we set up, we eventually gave in to the temptation of mass media...

[Online article w/video]